Who – or What – is Looking Out For Me?

As I was looking through my journals and past writing I found a very interesting reminder of those days. I’m posting them here in the hopes it inspires – or at least comforts you today.

A number of years ago, I was in a … hmmm … crunchy place emotionally. My business wasn’t going anywhere despite my best efforts and I just didn’t seem to be able to make anything click. I was despondent and clinging to the one thing that was working in my life, my marriage and my family. As rich as that was – and still is, I felt the strong desire to have or to be something more in the world. I didn’t know where to turn and even prayer – to whatever/whoever seemed to go unheard. 

I’d been asking for a very long time to be shown that the universe/God/whatever really is conspiring in my greatest good and has my back so to speak. Of course I’ve always known it and had obviously locked that knowing deep inside me but on that day, I needed proof to really believe it again.

I’m sure I’m being shown 100 times a day but still couldn’t see the proof I was asking for. Clearly I’m expecting the big bang, money drops from the sky or people flock to me for .. uhhh I’m not sure what … to be my proof. That just wasn’t happening and obviously it was freaking me out. 

I got “the hit” to ask another way so I changed my wording: “Universe please show me that you’ve got my back and that you truly are conspiring in my favour. Oh and please show me in ways I can comprehend because I’m not seeing it as you’re showing me now” (or something like that).

Shortly after that, I started to notice the ways it’s been trying to show me. More and more I started to be grateful for the birds at my bird feeder and the joy they continue to bring me. More and more I started to see the people coming into my life and the gifts they were bringing me: be it in a smile, a kind word or a new job at just the right time. When I started to look, the gifts, the reassurances, the surprises, the wonder was everywhere. I noticed that it all amplifies when I consciously pay attention. Sometimes, it catches me off guard and I’m reduced to tears of immeasurable gratitude. 

I recall that one morning, soon after rewording my plea to the Universe, as I was preparing for my radio show (at the time), the topic of which was “Are you the lock or the key to your life?” I looked up from my notebook and noticed:

• The reflection of the sunrise on my balcony wall, that minutes earlier I was wondering how I could decorate it to give it more colour. No additional adornment required. Got it! Thank you!
• And just then a couple other “coincidental” exchanges gave me even more inspiration and talking points for the show. Now I was more confident that I could fill an hour without rambling nonsensically.

And then it hit me with such profundity – this is it! These are the “ways I can comprehend!” They are being shown to me so very clearly and with such frequency that there is no way I can deny that everything is rigged in my favour – and yours – all the time. Of course that’s IF and when we choose to be aware.

And then … the more you see it the more it happens, until one day, like this day was for me, there is no question left, no more seeking required; it becomes about allowing it in, recognizing it and allowing yourself to be in absolute bliss, with no justification required. “It” becomes an “is-ness” … IT simply is. 

You can push this connection away or draw it near as you desire. There may be days (or years) that you forget that it’s there but in a split second, remembering will call it back. 

Oh my gosh! I feel like I’m 7 years old again, where everything in the world is a secret message to me and everything I touch has the potential to be magic. I feel unstoppable, like the world in my imagination, can really exist!