Things I Thought I’d Know By Now

A list of mysteries that remain unsolved at 58½

Do you ever find yourself doing something… say, turning a corner in your own home and running smack dab into the doorframe instead of gliding through like a graceful grown-up? Just me? Hmm.

Well, lately I’ve been taking stock. Not of my pantry (although that probably needs it too), but of all the things I thought I’d have figured out by now. At 58½, I should be one part wise woman, one part enchantress, and one part “cool aunt who knows stuff.” And yet, here I am—still running into furniture, still wondering why I bother with conditioner, and still wildly guessing at what to eat for any given meal.

So grab your coffee (or wine—no judgment here), and let’s dive into a few things I still haven’t quite gotten the hang of:

1. How NOT to be socially awkward.

Some people walk into a room and immediately strike up a charming, witty, totally natural conversation. I walk in, trip over the rug, and then ask someone a question that’s so random it sounds like a grab bag pull.

Despite reading a half-dozen “How to Talk to Anyone” books, I remain baffled by the dance of small talk. Am I supposed to ask about their kids? Their pets? Their favourite brand of frozen pizza? Wouldn’t it just be easier if I wore an “ask me anything” badge and let the other person start the conversation?

And don’t even get me started on leaving a conversation. I either exit mid-sentence like I’ve just remembered an urgent dentist appointment, or linger too long, smiling like I forgot how faces work.

But I have learned this: Find an extrovert. Feed them a question or two. Then sit back and ride that wave to safety. At least until they try to introduce you to more people. Then it’s back to the bathroom for a tactical retreat.

2. How to style my hair

You’d think after 58 years of having hair I’d know what to do with it. Nope. Some days I wake up and look like I’ve been electrocuted mid-dream. Other days, everything falls into place—curls bounce, volume volumizes—and it’s a literal miracle. On those days? I’m usually headed to the hardware store.

Meanwhile, on days I have an actual event? My hair has other plans. It’s either limp, frizzy, or stuck somewhere between “windblown” and “Einstein.”

I’ve bought gadgets, creams, sprays, and more hair clips than any grown woman should own. But still no consistent results. I’m starting to suspect the hair just knows when I need it to behave… and chooses chaos anyway.

3. How to dress with some style

At this point, I should know my style. But I swing wildly between wanting to look like a free-spirited art teacher in linen and beads… and looking like a farmhand who just rolled out of the barn. My wardrobe is equal parts flannel, faded t-shirts, and “aspirational boho” pieces I wore once to a potluck.

Pinterest tells me to dress for the life I want. Okay. But I’m not sure if that’s “woman of mystery who owns a bookstore” or “retired backup dancer who does yoga in the park.”

To make it more confusing, I’m not a great shopper. I find something that “kinda works” and buy three – in different colours. Then spend the next six months wondering why I feel like a cartoon character with one outfit. And yet, I dream of being effortlessly stylish. The kind of woman who wears scarves. And knows what to do with them.

4. How to not give unsolicited advice

This one’s a doozy! I am a fixer. You bring me a problem, and I will hand you three solutions before you’ve finished venting. But I’m slowly learning—some people don’t want a solution. They want a witness. Someone to say, “Wow, that sucks,” without immediately sending them a link to an article titled 5 Ways to Handle Toxic Coworkers.

It’s a work in progress but I’m trying to remember to ask if they want me to listen or help. It still feels awkward, maybe condescending at times. And I still end up blurting, “Have you tried magnesium?” nine times out of ten.

5. What I want to be when I grow up

You’d think I’d know by now. I mean, I’ve been a few things. I’ve worn hats, literal and metaphorical. And yet… sometimes I still wonder: what’s my real thing? What’s my big purpose?

Is it tending this forest home, loving the people around me, and writing the occasional heartfelt blog post? Or am I supposed to be launching something world-changing from my dining room table?

Sometimes I feel like I’m waiting for a memo that got lost in the cosmic mail. Maybe the answer is that we’re always growing up. And maybe the grown-up thing is not what I want to be but who – the type of person – I want to be. That’s a topic for another post!

6. How to finish a tube of lip balm before losing it

I have at least 7 tubes of lip balm, none of which I can find when I actually need one. They live in coat pockets, handbags, the glovebox, the desk at work, the desk at home, and I’m sure I have a couple spares – probably under the seat of the car with the lone peanut and a family of dust bunnies.

If I ever do finish one, I’ll probably throw a party. Assuming I don’t misplace the guest list.

7. How to enjoy meditation without planning dinner

I’ve downloaded the apps. I’ve lit the candles. I’ve tried “just being.” But three breaths in, my brain is like, “You should make tacos tonight. Did you take the chicken out of the freezer? Do we still have salsa?”

I admire people who can sit in silence and have their thoughts drift like clouds. My clouds look like grocery lists and passive-aggressive to-do items.

8. How to fold a fitted sheet

Just kidding! This I actually do know … my big sister taught me years ago. But just because I can, doesn’t mean I do it often 😉

9. How to not have obsessive conversations in my head.

This might relate back to #1 – I can exhaust myself thinking, rethinking and overthinking conversations I’ve had – sometimes years ago – and I’ll rebuild them with things I should have said instead. I’ll do that with conversations I am about to have and can never have too. I know it’s a completely useless, often emotional or otherwise draining exercise but it continues to run in the still spaces of my brain. 

Still working on this one. Possibly forever.

10. How to stop buying cute notebooks I’ll never use

I love them. I collect them. Each one holds the promise of becoming My Next Big Thing: a novel, a business plan, a life transformation. And yet… I freeze the second I open them. Too pretty to ruin. Too blank to start. So I tuck them on my bookshelf and use my dollar store notebooks instead.

Final thoughts (because I’m supposed to be a grown-up)

You know what? Maybe knowing stuff isn’t the point. Maybe it’s the trying, the laughing, and the silly stumbles that matter more. Maybe it’s okay that I’m still figuring things out—and always will be.

And if you’re reading this thinking, “Oh thank God, it’s not just me”—then mission accomplished. We’re all in this together, bumping into doorframes and trying to remember what we walked into the kitchen for.

So here’s to us: the late bloomers, the second-guessers, the deeply curious, and the semi-chaotic souls who keep showing up anyway.

We may not have it all figured out.

But we are figuring out how to laugh about it. And honestly? That might be the most grown-up thing of all.

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