The Things We Can Control

Yesterday, I was working out to one of my favourite YouTube “fitness over 50” videos – yes, I still use fitness videos. How very 80s of me! All I’m missing is the leotard and leg warmers (or am I? hmmm).

In this particular video, the fabulous Pahla B was talking about what you can control versus what you can’t. Her main message? You can control your daily inputs – your food, your movement, your mindset – but you can’t control the results.

Wait. What?!

I had to relisten to this video a few times throughout the day just to be sure I heard it right, because honestly, that’s not what I ordered. I signed up for “eat the salad, lose the muffin top.” Not “eat the salad, lose half a cup size and nothing else … for months!” What kind of horrible trick is this?! All this time I thought I was controlling results. 

Let’s stick with the diet-and-fitness example for a minute because it’s easy. But hang in there – this goes deeper.

In the video, Pahla explains that we’re often laser-focused on specific results. Like, “I want to lose weight, but only from my belly, not my face, definitely not from my boobs.” Our bodies don’t work that way. Nope, not even a little. You want to shed the fluff around your middle? Guess what: you do the thing and your body will do whatever the heck it needs to do with what you’ve done. What she’s really saying is this: you can only control your inputs – those day-by-day, moment-by-moment choices. You can’t control how your body reacts to them. Your job is to stay consistent, keep showing up, and let your body (or life) do what it’s going to do with those inputs.

Now, on its own, this isn’t exactly groundbreaking. I’ve probably heard this same message a dozen times in the last year. But for some reason, this time it really landed. Probably because I was physically focused so my mind was open. But suddenly I saw how this concept shows up everywhere – in my writing, in my relationships, even in gardening.

Your Input is Where the Power Is.

Think about it. How many times have I gotten frustrated – or downright angry – because things weren’t turning out the way I wanted, only to realize I hadn’t been all that consistent with the things that actually matter? Like writing regularly. Or maintaining a healthy-ish diet. Or gently nurturing a friendship instead of going silent because I was “too busy” or tired or introverting.

Sometimes it’s not even about being inconsistent – it’s about being scattered. Like I keep changing my mind about what I actually want, midstream. I say I want a strong, healthy body, but I’m also saying yes to another piece of banana bread because … ummm … YUM! Besides, banana bread has fruit in it, and fruit is healthy, right?

It’s the same with writing. I want to be a writer who finishes things, but when I sit down and the words don’t immediately flow like literary champagne, I assume it’s hopeless and walk away to reorganize the pantry instead.

So, let me ask you: how are you doing with this whole input vs. outcome thing? Can you see where this might apply to your life?

Let’s take relationships. You can’t control another person’s responses, moods, decisions, or willingness to text back. (Shocking, I know.) But you can control what kind of energy you bring to the relationship. You can control how you communicate, how you show up, and whether you’re honest, kind, and clear – or just silently seething and writing mental speeches.

Or take your general outlook on life. You can’t control every event that comes your way, but you can decide what you read, watch, and listen to. You can choose who you hang out with (energy drainers or energy givers), what kind of spaces you spend your time in, and whether you doom-scroll or go outside for a walk and a deep breath.

The Secret Ingredient? Consistency.

Here’s where the lightbulb really turned on: consistency is everything. You can’t do something once and expect it to change your life. I mean, I’ve tried. One kale smoothie should undo three cinnamon buns, right? One blog post makes me a popular writer, right? One granny square makes me a fibre artist … you get the picture. And it makes sense – to a degree. We’ve been trained to expect instant results: Google, ATM’s, faster and faster internet connections and fast food outlets. 

But real transformation – the kind you’re probably longing for – only comes from what you do consistently over time. And the good news? That means all you have to do is focus on today. What are you going to eat today? How are you going to move your body today? What kind of thoughts are you feeding yourself today?

Same thing goes for creative projects, your job, your home, your family, your garden. When you consistently tend to something with care, it eventually flourishes. At the very least, it doesn’t die in the pot within a week.

Control and Other People

Now, a quick note about relationships – or anything involving other humans: you can be the most consistent, intentional, mindful human in the world, and you still might not get the outcome you were hoping for. That’s because other people have their own thoughts, goals, hopes, trauma, and favourite snacks. It’s annoying, but true.

Can you be okay with that? Can you feel at peace knowing you did your part, regardless of what comes next?

Yeah. That part’s harder. But it’s worth sitting with.

And it might just make you a more peaceful, joyful person to be around – one who isn’t tightly wound and trying to force the world to conform to her very detailed picture of how things are supposed to be.

How to Focus on Inputs, Not Outcomes

If you’re like me and you need a bit of structure, here are a few ideas to bring it home:

• Focus on how you feel rather than how things look. Are you satisfied – or dare I say proud of your efforts?
  
• Choose habits that align with the kind of person you want to become.
  
• Ask yourself: what’s one small thing I can do today that’s in my control?
  
• Notice when you’re obsessing over the future or fixated on outcomes, and gently redirect to the present moment.
  
• Let results show up when they’re ready. Meanwhile, keep watering your plants (literal or metaphorical).
  

And Sometimes the Goal Changes – That’s a Good Thing

Here’s where it gets interesting: when you let go of controlling the outcome, you might start noticing all kinds of wonderful things happening that you didn’t expect. And sometimes, you  even change your goal entirely because something better has become possible.

Let’s go back to weight loss – because, again, it’s easy and relatable. I’ve been chasing a certain number on the scale for what feels like forever (thanks menopause). Every time I got close, I’d be mentally and physically exhausted from all the counting, tracking, and measuring. So I’d “take a break,” which was code for giving up without fully admitting it.

Then I stumbled into Gina Livy’s “Livy Method,” and after a few half-hearted rounds, something surprising happened: I started to feel really good. Not just okay, but really good. Strong. Energized. Capable. I had enough energy to do my workouts, enough strength to help carry wood and haul topsoil for our outdoor projects, and enough zip for a hike, bike ride or … laundry.

And suddenly? That number on the scale didn’t matter so much anymore. It might still be there, whispering to me occasionally from its little digital screen, but now I care a lot more about living well and living long enough to enjoy this beautiful life in the woods.

The Big Takeaway

When I let go of micromanaging the outcome, I found something better – something more meaningful. And I found it by simply being consistent with the little things every single day – well most parts of most days.

So whatever your “goal” is – whether it’s losing weight, finishing a novel, strengthening a relationship, or finally decluttering that mystery drawer in your kitchen – try loosening your grip on the result. Focus on what you can do today. Then tomorrow. Then the next day.

And maybe, just maybe, the result you were chasing will find you. Or better yet, you’ll discover something even greater along the way.

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