Slowing Down – Not Selling Out

Here I sit, 5am, my water is almost finished and I’m looking forward to my coffee. Then it’s time to move my body and get ready for work. But first, I sit – and find myself reflecting on how “easy” my life is right now.

It’s especially easy to see my life as soft or easy when I watch my friends and others (many older than me) still hustling HARD. The very idea exhausts me. Well … at first it exhausts me, and then I catch myself wondering if I’m a sellout.

I see my friends looking at me with that “you could be doing so much more/better” look in their eyes. At the same time, they probably notice me looking at them with the “how are you still standing – never mind striving” look in mine. I know, I know – to each their own. I’ll admire their drive from afar (and secretly worry about their health and sanity), and know I just don’t have it in me.

When I Knew I Was Done With the Hustle

I remember the day I realized I was done with the hustle – well, there were two days, really.

The first was when we were living in a bustling city and I was pushing hard to make my consulting business work. I found myself putting in a lot of time with one particular client – because I liked his business, he had a great team, and he needed more support than a consultant could provide. We’d tried hiring office help, but that didn’t work out well. Eventually, I realized I was tired from the hustle of my own business, and I was actually having way more fun helping with his. So I suggested I drop my business and work for him. Thankfully, he accepted – on contract.

The second moment came shortly after Brian’s work transfer to a much smaller city closer to where we wanted to be when we retire. Shortly after moving I realized it wasn’t easy to support a paper-heavy business from a distance. You’d think the easiest solution would be to relaunch my consulting gig in this new city – but just thinking about networking and the hustle it would take to get going again drained the life out of me. So I decided to get a “normal” job.

Even writing that feels like a confession. But maybe it’s time we stopped acting like choosing simplicity is some kind of defeat.

Wait… Am I Built for This?

As I write this, I wonder why the mere idea of hustle now evokes such an exhausted full-body nope. Maybe one day I’ll explore that more deeply – but for now, let’s stay with this thread before I completely lose it like I do my phone (which is probably in my pocket).

Here’s the thing: I don’t think we’re meant to be grinding like 20-year-olds in our 50s and beyond. Evolutionarily speaking, weren’t we supposed to be the wise village elders by now? Aren’t we meant to be sitting by the fire, doling out advice, or making cookies for the children and occasionally foraging for berries – not juggling six Zoom calls and an Insta side hustle?

Maybe the rise in stress-related illnesses, burnout, and midlife meltdowns has something to do with the fact that we’ve ignored that natural slowing down. We’re trying to run a marathon in a body that just wants to go for a walk and then make soup.

Can You Slow Down Without Selling Out?

Of course, I realize that most of us don’t have the luxury of early retirement (is “Freedom 55” even still a thing or was that just a clever marketing slogan?). Work is still a necessity for most of us – but surely to GAWD there must be a way to bring home the bacon and still have the energy to fry it up in the pan.

And no, I don’t think side hustles are the answer. That’s just… more hustle with a cute Canva logo.

Most of us don’t want to curl up and wait for death either – we’ve still got plenty to offer: experience, perspective, common sense (unless we’re tired), and an ever-expanding collection of crochet needles.

But how do we keep contributing without burning ourselves out?

For me, the answer was finding easier work that still made me feel useful and valued – and then exploring ways to make a deeper connection to myself and a contribution outside of my job, without making myself a martyr to productivity.

Redefining Value (Without the Burnout)

Here’s a big one: for years, we’ve defined our value by the work we do. Not just what we earn, but how much we grind. It’s deeply ingrained. So when we start to pull back, there’s often a quiet panic: Who am I if I’m not producing at full tilt?

Letting go of that mindset is uncomfortable. Even when you want to slow down, you can feel like you’re wasting your potential – or being judged by those who are still sprinting.

But what if your value doesn’t disappear just because you’re not pushing so hard?

What if the deeper contributions – the ones that shape lives and legacies – happen when we give ourselves room to breathe?

Spoiler: From what I’ve observed, they often do.

Stress is Not a Badge of Honour

Let’s talk about the health side for a moment. Chronic stress doesn’t just make you tired – it makes you sick. High cortisol levels, inflammation, insomnia, belly fat that will not budge… ring any bells?

We can joke about it, but the truth is: staying in hustle mode for too long has serious consequences. And if you’re nodding along thinking, “But I don’t have a choice,” I hear you. Truly.

But what if some of that stress is coming from expectations that no longer fit your life? What if part of slowing down is not giving up – but waking up?

Who Are You Becoming?

This is the age where the roles we’ve played start to shift. Maybe your kids are grown. Maybe your career has plateaued or pivoted. Maybe your body has decided to become a stranger. (Menopause is a whole blog post on its own. Stay tuned.)

This is a powerful time to ask:
Who am I, really?
What do I want now – without the labels of job title, mother, wife, fixer, helper?
What lights me up?

That hollow space you sometimes feel? Oh friend, I know it’s daunting. I know we’ve spent a lot of time ignoring it so we can serve others; so much that we’re afraid of what we’ll see when we look. But I know you hear the echo that reverberates with “Is this it?” – that’s not a sign that you’re failing or getting lazy. It’s an invitation to explore, to mine for the real you that was ignored so long ago.

If not now, when?

Being a Woman of a Certain Age

Let’s be honest. Being a woman in midlife in this society is… a lot.

We’re expected to:

• Work like we don’t have families
• Care for families like we don’t have jobs
• Look like we’re 30
• And somehow never admit we’re tired and overwhelmed.
  

Add in the joys of hormonal shifts, aging parents, and the sudden realization that your knees now make sound effects – and it’s no wonder we’re craving a slower pace.

But craving isn’t quitting.

Craving is calling you back to yourself.

If You’re Ready to Ease Up…

…and you still need to work, here are some gentle shifts to consider:

• Choose simplicity over status. A lower-pressure job can offer more peace than a high-powered title. 
• Set boundaries like a boss. (Even if you’re not one.) 
• Look for meaning in small ways. Contribution doesn’t have to be epic. It can be quiet, consistent, and still powerful.
• Practice saying “I’ve done enough today.” And mean it. And let the day end with grace.

I was hoping to give examples of all of these points but I don’t know your life, and I don’t want to put another thing to do on your already overloaded shoulders. I’m guessing you’re a pretty smart cookie by now – I know this because you’re still reading. I trust you can come up with some ideas on your own. However if you need inspiration, drop a comment and let me know you need a hand. 

OH! WAIT! That’s another way you can shift to ease up ASK FOR HELP! (That’s a whole post for another day too.)  And if you’re waiting for permission – consider this article your permission granted.

If You Still Love the Hustle…

…and just want to prepare for what might be next:

• Start journaling your dreams and ideas. What’s calling you beyond work?
• Try something just for the fun of it. Not profit. Not productivity. Just fun – maybe even joy!
• Connect with others who are exploring their “next.” You’re not alone.
• Give yourself space to shift gears slowly. You don’t have to leap – you can ease.
  

In Closing: I’m Not Lazy – Just Listening

The work I do now is pretty easy – most days – pays well, and it has finite hours, which is a remarkable relief in and of itself. I’m not rushing home with my hair on fire or using the radio to drown out my cries of frustration. I have the energy to make dinner, maybe go for a walk, maybe notice the adorable/horrible rabbit pruning my rose bush, breathe deeply and – dare I say it – enjoy my life.So no, I don’t think I’m a sellout. I think I’m tuning in.
And if you’re reading this and wondering if you’re allowed to slow down too –
You are.
You really, really are. And you can do it in whatever damn way works for you.

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